"Global warming is indeed a scam, perpetrated by scientists with vested interests, but in need of crash courses in geology, logic and the philosophy of science. It provides the media with a new scare story, which has been picked up by the focus groups and turned into the newreligion, offering us hell if we don't all change our ways." [BBC]
A (Not Quite) Complete List Of Things Supposedly
Caused By Global Warming
These are all "documented" issues caused by global warming. This is NOT a joke!
"Acne , agricultural land increase , Afghan poppies destroyed , Africa devastated, Africa in conflict, , African aid threatened , African summer frost , aggressive weeds , More Toxic Poison Ivy , air pressure changes , airport malaria , Agulhas current , Alaska reshaped , moves , allergy season longer , alligators in the Thames , Alps melting, Amazon a desert , American dream end , amphibians breeding earlier (or not) , anaphylactic reactions to bee stings , ancient forests dramatically changed , animals head for the hills , animals shrink , Antarctic grass flourishes, Antarctic ice grows , Antarctic ice shrinks , Antarctic sea life at risk , anxiety treatment , algal blooms ,archaeological sites threatened , Arab Spring , Arctic bogs melt , Arctic in bloom , Arctic ice free , Arctic ice melt faster , Arctic lakes disappear , Arctic tundra to burn , Arctic warming (not), Atlantic less salty , Atlantic more salty, atmospheric circulation modified , attack of the killer jellyfish , avalanches reduced , avalanches increased ,Baghdad snow , Bahrain under water , bananas grow , barbarisation , beer shortage , beetle infestation , bet for $10,000 , better beer , big melt faster , billion dollar research projects , billion homeless , billions face risk , billions of deaths , bird distributions change , bird loss accelerating , birds shrinking , bird strikes , bird visitors drop , birds confused , birds decline (Wales) , birds driven north , birds return early , bittern boom ends , blackbirds stop singing , blackbirds threatened , Black Hawk down , blood contaminated , blue mussels return , bluetongue , brain eating amoebae , brains shrink , bridge collapse (Minneapolis) , Britain one big city , Smaller loaves of Bread ,Britain Siberian , brothels struggle , brown Ireland , bubonic plague , budget increases , Buddhist temple threatened, building collapse , building season extension , bushfires , business opportunities , business risks , butterflies move north, camel deaths , cancer deaths in England , cannibalism , cannibalism again , caterpillar biomass shift , cave paintings threatened , childhood insomnia, Cholera , circumcision in decline , cirrus disappearance , civil unrest ,cloud increase , coast beauty spots lost , cockroach migration, , coffee threatened , cold climate creatures survive ,cold spells (Australia) , cold wave (India) , computer models , conferences , conflict , conflict with Russia ,consumers foot the bill , coral bleaching , coral fish suffer , coral reefs dying , coral reefs grow, coral reefs shrink , coral reefs twilight, Cabbage Shortage , cost of trillions , cougar attacks, crabgrass menace, cradle of civilisation threatened , creatures move uphill, crime increase , crocodile sex, crops devastated , crumbling roads, buildings and sewage systems , curriculum change , cyclones (Australia), danger to kid's health , Darfur , Dartford Warbler plague , death rate increase (US) , deaths to reach 6 million, Dengue hemorrhagic fever , depression ,desert advance , desert retreat , destruction of the environment , disappearance of coastal cities, disasters , diseases move from animals to humans , diseases move north , dog disease , Dolomites collapse , dozen deadly diseases ,drought, ducks and geese decline , dust bowl in the corn belt , early marriages , early spring , earlier pollen season, Earth biodiversity crisis , Earth dying , Earth even hotter , Earth light dimming , Earth lopsided, Earth melting ,Earth morbid fever , Earth on fast track , Earth past point of no return , Earth slowing down , Earth spins faster,Earth to explode , Earth's poles shift , earth upside down , earthquakes , Specifically the 2015 Nepal earthquake ,earthquakes redux , earthquakes redux 2 , Egypt revolt , El Niño intensification , end of the world as we know it ,erosion , emerging infections, encephalitis, English villages lost , equality threatened , Europe simultaneously baking and freezing, eutrophication , evolution accelerating , expansion of university climate groups, extinctions (human , civilisation, logic , Inuit , smallest butterfly , cod, ladybirds , pikas , polar bears, possums ,walrus, toads , plants , salmon , trout , wild flowers , woodlice , a million species , half of all animal and plant species, mountain species , not polar bears , barrier reef , leaches , salamanders , tropical insects) experts muzzled , extreme changes to California , fading fall foliage, fainting , famine , farmers benefit , farmers go under , farm output boost , fashion disaster , fever , figurehead sacked , fir cone bonanza , fish bigger , fish catches drop , fish downsize, fish catches rise , fish deaf, fish get lost , fish head north , fish stocks at risk , fish stocks decline , five million illnesses , flames stoked , flesh eating disease , flood patterns change , floods, floods of beaches and cities , flood of migrants, flood preparation for crisis , Florida economic decline , flowers in peril ,fog (more) in San Francisco , fog (less) in San Francisco , food poisoning, food prices rise , food prices soar , food security threat (SA), football team migration , footpath erosion, forest decline , forest expansion , frog with extra heads , frostbite , frost damage increased , frosts , fungi fruitful , fungi invasion , games change , Garden of Eden wilts , geese decline in Hampshire , genetic diversity decline, gene pools slashed , giant oysters invade, giant pythons invade , giant squid migrate , gingerbread houses collapse , glacial earthquakes , glacial retreat, glacial growth , glacier grows (California) , glacier wrapped , global cooling , global dimming, glowing clouds , golf course to drown , golf Masters wrecked , grandstanding , grasslands wetter , Great Barrier Reef 95% dead , Great Lakes drop , great tits cope , greening of the North , Grey whales lose weight , Gulf Stream failure , habitat loss ,haggis threatened , Hantavirus pulmonary syndrome, harmful algae , harvest increase , harvest shrinkage , hay fever epidemic , health affected , health of children harmed, health risks, heart disease, heart attacks and strokes (Australia), heat waves, hibernation affected, hibernation ends too soon , hibernation ends too late , high court debates , HIV epidemic , homeless 50 million , hornets , horses shrink , human development faces unprecedented reversal , human fertility reduced, human health risk , human race oblivion , hurricanes , hurricane reduction ,hurricanes fewer , hurricanes not , hydropower problems , hyperthermia deaths , ice age , ice sheet growth , ice sheet shrinkage , icebergs , illegal immigration , illness and death , inclement weather , India drowning ,infrastructure failure (Canada) , industry threatened , infectious diseases, inflation in China , insect explosion,insurance premium rises , Inuit displacement , Inuit poisoned , Inuit suing , invasion of cats , invasion of crabgrass ,invasion of herons , invasion of jellyfish , invasion of king crabs , invasion of midges, island disappears , islands sinking , Creation of ISIS , itchier poison ivy , jellyfish explosion , jets fall from sky , jet stream drifts north , Kew Gardens taxed , kidney stones , kidney stones again , killer cornflakes , killing us , kitten boom , koalas under threat, krill decline , lake and stream productivity decline , lake empties , lake shrinking and growing , landslides ,landslides of ice at 140 mph , lawsuits increase, lawsuit successful, lawyers' income increased (surprise surprise!) ,lawyers want more , legionnaires' surge , lives saved , lizards change sex , Loch Ness monster dead , Locust plagues suppressed , Longer wprk breaks , Lopsided Earth , lush growth in rain forests, Malaria, mammoth dung melt , mango harvest fails , Maple production advanced , Maple syrup shortage , marine diseases, marine food chain decimated, Meaching (end of the world) , Mediterranean rises , megacryometeors , Melanoma , Melanoma decline , meteors from space , methane emissions from plants , methane burps , methane runaway , melting permafrost , Middle Kingdom convulses , migration , migration difficult (birds) , migratory birds huge losses ,microbes to decompose soil carbon more rapidly , minorities hit, monkeys on the move , Mont Blanc grows,monuments imperiled, moose dying, more bad air days, more research needed, mortality increased, mountain (Everest) shrinking, mountaineers fears, mountains break up , mountains green and flowering, mountains taller ,mortality lower , murder higher , Myanmar cyclone , narwhals at risk , National security implications , native wildlife overwhelmed , natural disastersquadruple , new islands , next ice age , NFL threatened, Nile delta damaged , noctilucent clouds , no effect in India, Northwest Passage opened, nuclear plants bloom, oaks dying ,oaks move north, ocean acidification , ocean acidification faster , ocean dead zones unleashed , ocean deserts expand , ocean waves speed up , oceans noisier , opera house to be destroyed , outdoor hockey threatened, ozone repair slowed, ozone rise , Pacific dead zone , penguin chicks frozen, personal carbon rationing, pest outbreaks ,pests increase, phenology shifts , plankton blooms , plankton destabilised , plants lose protein , plants march north, plants move uphill, polar bears aggressive , polar bears cannibalistic, polar bears deaf, polar bears drowning, polar bears eating themselves, polar tours scrapped , popcorn rise , porpoise astray , profits collapse, prostitution, prostitution (again), psychiatric illness, puffin decline, radars taken out , railroad tracks deformed , rainfall increase , rape wave , refugees , reindeer endangered , release of ancient frozen viruses , resorts disappear , rice threatened, rice yields crash, rift on Capitol Hill , rioting and nuclear war, Rise and Fall of Rome, river flow impacted , rivers raised , roads wear out , robins rampant, rocky peaks crack apart , roof of the world a desert, rooftop bars , Ross river disease , ruins ruined, Russia under pressure , salinity reduction , salinity increase ,Salmonella, Salmon Decline, satellites accelerate , school closures , sea level rise , sea level rise faster , seals mating more , sewer bills rise , severe thunderstorms , sex change , sexual promiscuity , shark attacks , sharks booming , sharks moving north , sheep shrink , shop closures , short-nosed dogs endangered , shrinking ponds ,shrinking shrine , ski resorts threatened , skin cancer , slow death , smaller brains , smog , snowfall increase ,snowfall heavy, soaring food prices, societal collapse , soil change , songbirds change eating habits , sour grapes ,space problem , spectacular orchids , spiders invade Scotland , squid aggressive giants , squid population explosion, squid tamed , squirrels reproduce earlier , stingray invasion , storms wetter , stormwater drains stressed , street crime to increase, subsidence , suicide , swordfish in the Baltic , Tabasco tragedy , taxes , tectonic plate movement ,teenage drinking , terrorism , terrorism again , threat to peace , ticks move northward (Sweden) , tides rise , tigers eat people , tomatoes rot , tornado outbreak , tourism increase , trade barriers, trade winds weakened , traffic jams ,transportation threatened , tree foliage increase (UK), tree growth slowed , trees in trouble , trees less colourful ,trees more colourful , trees lush , tropics expansion , tropopause raised , truffle shortage, truffles down , turtles crash , Turbulence in air travel , turtle feminised , turtles lay earlier , UFO sightings , UK coastal impact , UK Katrina , uprooted - 6 million , Vampire bats , Vampire moths , Venice flooded , violin decline , volcanic eruptions, volcanic eruptions redux , Iceland volcano eruption, walrus pups orphaned , walrus stampede , war , war between US and Canada , wars over water , wars sparked , wars threaten billions , wasps , water bills double , water scarcity (20% of increase), water stress , weather out of its mind , weather patterns awry , Western aid cancelled out, West Nile fever , whales lose weight , whales move north , whales wiped out , wheat yields crushed in Australia ,wildfires, wind shift , wind reduced, wine - harm to Australian industry , wine industry damage (California), wine industry disaster (France), wine - more English wine industry disaster (US), wine - more English , wine - England too hot , wine -German boon , wine - no more French , wine passé (Napa) , wine stronger , winters in Britain colder , winter in Britain dead , witchcraft executions , wolves eat more moose , wolves eat less, workers laid off , World at war , World War 4 , World bankruptcy , World in crisis , World in flames , Yellow fever.